‘You following my daughter?!’ ‘Your weird daughter made me miss the zeroes!’
/r/americandadLook at these miserable conditions. Look at your weird body. Are you alright?
/r/americandadPeso! Kiss! Kiss! Peso!
/r/americandadSURF'S UP JEFFERY
/r/americandadHappy Presidents' Day, Dadders!
/r/americandadI assume you'll need the next 12 hours to pack up all your jock straps and Gold Bond. Am I the first man you've ever met?
/r/americandadCharlie, Charlie, Charlie, Charlie, Charlie, Charlie, Charlie, Charlie, Charlie! What’s your name again!?
/r/americandadFine but why does your mouth taste like beets? Its 9 a.m. Are you an early morning beet eater? That's insane. You're insane. But I'm insane too. Insane for that big beet flavor.
/r/americandadWe're CIA agents and we require asylum. You know, 'cause this is American soil. | I grew up on a pile of straw. The only education I have is one week of Burger King training, and even I know that's not how the international justice system works.
/r/americandadGentlemen, we have landed, reveal uniforms
/r/americandadThe Origins of Wheels and The Legman
/r/americandadThat's acid in yo face you fine ass bitch
/r/americandadMore like matter at HAM!
/r/americandadYOU HUSLIN ME BOY ??!!!!!
/r/americandadSo Steve is carrying an alien baby in some kind of faux uterus. How great is that I started Xanax yesterday!
/r/americandadHey! What's Your Record for Tylenol PMs?
/r/americandadLulu Fuentes moved to Hollywood and is attending roof-top parties?
/r/americandadJKM plumbing is coming on Tuesday. So we can put the wooden spoon back in the kitchen. No more having to chop up our dumps.
/r/americandadEvery human in Lord of the Rings
/r/americandadI couldn’t help it, it’s my nature. Someone hands me an angle I play it, I don’t deserve to die for that. Do you think I do?
/r/americandadIt expresses disbelief at an unreasonable deadline
/r/americandadJuwst a wittwe cwystaw???
/r/americandad“I tell you what I wish, that Francine would buy me something other than Coppola wine. It tastes like beard hair and Sofia sweat...”
/r/americandadEvery "Stan, Jeff, and Rogu play frontiersman" scenes
/r/americandadFrancine, do you know that dweeb? | He's my... friend Stan's kid. Like, ten years ago, he drew a picture of me and it was like, a circle on top of a triangle. It's like, "Uh... thanks?"
/r/americandadHis eyes are red from smoking weed.
/r/americandad"School's not for everyone." - Joe Biden
/r/americandad"Great, you hate it. Well, that's alright. I'm over you anyway. Steve was right. It was just a crush."
/r/americandadMmm que serpienta tan sexy (sorry ,im speak spanish)